What Kind of Man Do You Want?

It seems like a simple question. But how you answer it — and more importantly, how you live it — will shape the trajectory of your relationships for years to come.

Most Christian teenage girls, when asked what kind of man they want, will say something like: “Someone who loves God, treats me with respect, is honest, and has good values.” That’s a good answer. The right answer, really.

But here’s the harder question: Are your daily choices selecting for that kind of man?

Because while you’re going about your life right now — before you’re married, before you’ve even met him — you are already communicating. You’re sending signals about what kind of person you are, what you value, and what kind of relationship you’re looking for. And the men around you are reading those signals, consciously or not.

Two Very Different Men

Let’s be specific about what the two categories look like, because “Godly man vs. worldly man” can feel abstract.

The Man Not Pursuing God

He might be perfectly pleasant. He might go to church. He might call himself a Christian. But he isn’t actively pursuing God — he’s pursuing himself, his comfort, and his desires.

In the area of women and sexuality, this man hasn’t developed discipline. He looks at what attracts him without fighting the looking. He spends time with pornography or sexually charged media without much conviction. He evaluates women primarily by their physical appearance, filtering accordingly.

He is not a monster. He’s a person shaped by a culture that told him these things are normal. But the habits are there, and they don’t disappear when a relationship starts.

If you end up with this man and he hasn’t changed, you inherit those habits. His eyes will wander. His mind has been trained to compare. The intimacy of your marriage will compete with years of imagery and patterns he built before you arrived.

The Man Pursuing God

He’s fighting. He’s not perfect, but he’s actively working on himself — because he wants to honor God, not just because he’s afraid of consequences.

He has accountability. He’s made decisions about what he watches and what he allows in. When a test comes — and it does, constantly — he fights it rather than feeding it.

He sees women as people. He’s interested in who you are, not just what you look like. He respects boundaries because he actually respects you. He’s thinking about his future and the kind of husband and father he wants to be, not just the next gratifying experience.

This man exists. He’s rarer than you’d like, but he’s out there.

The Signals You’re Sending

Here’s where it gets personal.

The man who is not pursuing God is attracted by signals that cater to his existing habits. If you dress in ways that display your body — low-cut tops, short skirts, tight everything — he notices. He appreciates it, for his own reasons. He comes closer.

The man who is pursuing God tends to respond differently. He’s trying to guard his mind. When someone dresses in ways that make that harder, he either fights it — which is exhausting — or he keeps his distance from that person to protect himself. He respects a woman who respects herself. He is drawn to character and confidence, not to a display of physical availability.

Now here’s the irony: the attention you might get by dressing immodestly is almost entirely from the men you say you don’t want. And it either repels or complicates things with the man you say you do want.

This isn’t your fault entirely — we live in a culture that constantly tells women that their value is tied to their physical appeal and that the way to get and keep a man’s attention is to show more skin. That’s a lie. But it’s a very loud, very pervasive lie.

What a Godly Man Is Actually Looking For

Let me be honest about what the men worth having are looking for — because it’s not what Instagram would have you believe.

They are looking for character. Is this woman honest? Is she kind? Does she have integrity when no one is watching?

They are looking for faith. Does she actually love God, or is she just culturally Christian? Is her faith alive or inherited?

They are looking for stability. Is she emotionally mature? Can she handle conflict without it becoming catastrophic? Does she know who she is?

They are looking for substance. What does she care about? What can you have a real conversation with her about?

Physical attraction matters to men — that’s not wrong, and pretending otherwise doesn’t help anyone. But a man worth having will tell you that character outlasts attraction. They’ve watched enough relationships fall apart to know this is true.

The Investment You’re Making Now

Every choice you make right now is an investment in your future. Not in a guilt-trip sense — in a very practical sense.

The man you’ll marry is already being formed by his choices right now. And you’re already being formed by yours. The habits, the values, the patterns of relating to the opposite sex — all of it is being shaped in this season.

What kind of person do you want to be in ten years? What kind of marriage do you want? Work backward from that vision. What choices support it?

This doesn’t mean every relationship decision has to be weighted with eternal significance. It means being intentional rather than just reactive. Thinking before you post, before you dress, before you say yes to a date with someone you have genuine questions about.

What About Right Now?

If you’re already in a relationship that isn’t reflecting these values — either because he’s not the man you want, or because you’ve made choices that don’t reflect who you want to be — you don’t need to stay stuck there.

God is not in the business of condemnation. He’s in the business of restoration. Wherever you are, you can make different choices starting today.

Set standards. Not out of legalism, but because you know you’re worth being treated well. Communicate those standards. And look for the man who respects them — because his response to your standards will tell you everything you need to know about who he actually is.

The Final Question

What kind of man do you want?

Now: is the life you’re living — the choices you’re making, the person you’re becoming — attracting him?

That’s the question that matters.